Monkeyshines

Author Archive

Binky’s Window Cleaning Service

Is pesky window condensation getting you down? Are your attempts to spy on the neighbours impeded by small drops of water? Fret no more, for a small fee (one pouch of Felix Senior ‘As Good As It Looks’ brand cat food per window) I will clear that window right up for you! (Editor’s note: For an additional fee (one bottle of premium bitter per window) James will come round and wipe the cat saliva from your windows once Binky’s done. Bargain!)

I’ve got my eye on you, sunshine.

"Cute pyjamas, kid. Of course, some of us have naturally lush fur. And pyjamas can get torn. To shreds. Mysteriously."

2012: The Year of the Cat

I guess I must have just missed out on the list of The 30 Most Important Cats Of 2011. This year, my friends, is my year, I can feel it in my whiskers.

I'll just have a wash, then I'll try to work out what's different around here, I have a bit of feline deja vu...

The Cat Returns

I have literally been lying low recently, due to the arrival of a small noisy hoomin in my house. Again. I thought that if I was patient, my cuteness would prevail, but the little chap still seems to be dominating the attention, and laps, of my hoomins. The fightback starts here, my friends.

"I, Binky Mackenzie, hereby stake my claim to this lap,
and declare it to be feline territory in perpetuity."

No. Not gonna happen…

… hoomins are good for food and cuddles, not as sources of labour for charismatic cats.

Heavens to Murgatroyd!

My hoomins have lately taken to confining me to the tiny moveable room that I hate, and taking me to visit strange hoomins who live in a house that reeks of nasty dog and stinky cat. I recently had to spend all day there, and they dosed me up on some seriously strong catnip – I was literally knocked out, and when I came round they’d stolen one of my teeth! And not just any tooth, one of the good ‘uns, a big pointy one at the front. I was not a happy kitten. Also, a weird coincidence, it doesn’t hurt when I eat anymore. (Editor’s Note: The kind staff at Acorn Vets have looked after Binky very well, for which we are all grateful, even if Binky doesn’t quite understand.)

I would like to make it clear that I will not be amused by any references to ‘Snagglepuss’ that are made in my presence. For the sake of clarity, please refer to the following guide:

Not Snagglepuss

Jungle Cat on the Prowl

Perfectly camouflaged for hunting on the prairie.

Tail puffed, ready to pounce.

Ew, is that a beetle? Gross, I'm going back indoors.

What do you mean, “this isn’t a new cat bed”?

And I suppose these aren't cat toys, either?

I think the least I deserve, if I must live with an attention-grabbing little hoomin, is a nice comfy cat bed. And he gets all the milk he can guzzle (which is plenty, evidently), while I have to hang around in the kitchen, doing my little-cat-lost face to rustle up a bit of sympathy. Humph.

“Dapper Socks” Mackenzie

Contemplating my dapper besocked paws

What a handsome devil!

Feline Book Review: Binky to the Resuce

Having recently reviewed the first instalment of Binky the Space Cat’s adventures, I instructed my hoomins to furnish me with the sequel, Binky to the Rescue, by Ashley Spires.

Cat schools aren’t big on teaching hoomin language (frankly, the cat community is staggered that learning Cat language isn’t compulsory in hoomin schools), but I’ve picked up enough to follow the dramatic story here, as the fictionalised Binky has exciting adventures in outer space (what hoomins call a ‘garden’). The drawings are lovely and expressive, and sufficiently detailed to bear repeated scrutiny. Altogether, thoroughly entertaining.